My Own Woman

Today I am very emotional. As a woman this is allowed. It is not a sign of weakness, it is just who I am. It has been a very emotional week with weird dreams and emotional conversations with many people that I care for. In having this weird week, I have decided that I need to get a tougher skin. I need to not take things so personally. Though I will admit this is easier said than done.

So I am going to do my best letting the water roll off this stone, so to speak. I will not let what people think affect what I do with my life, and who I am. That is for me to figure out and decide, not for people to tell me.

On the flip side, this week has been slightly better than others, health wise. Starting on Monday I have been hitting the gym everyday with a friend. I started out fairly slow and I have picked it up a little bit. Today I "climbed" 18 flights on the stairmaster and I went on this really awesome workout machine that is a cross between a stairstepper and an elliptical. So cool! I went for 20 minutes and I felt great. I stepped on the scale after my workout and I have officially dropped 1.5 pounds since I first weighed myself a few weeks ago. I don't know if it is from what I have been doing differently or if it's water weight, but it felt a little bit nice to see the numbers a little lower.

So this diet plan my husband and I are going to try should be starting after my birthday. Well, that is after everyone comes to visit for my birthday!! I have people visiting almost every weekend in March to celebrate the big 21st birthday. The diet plan doesn't allow drinking alcohol, so we are putting it off until then. I know it sounds dumb, but it's the fun because the seriousness I suppose. In the meanwhile, I am going to try and work out and be fit! Oh, and for those of you who don't know, we are going to try the HCG diet. A friend's family tried it and had good results. So I guess next month we'll be getting started.

I still need to put up some before pictures....but it is just a tad bit daunting. I feel self conscience putting them up before I lose weight.....Maybe I'll take them and keep them to myself until I have better news. What do you guys think?

No Sacrifice. No Victory?

I'm tired this week. It's been hard and exhausting. I didn't exercise. I didn't eat well. I just have been too tired to care.


So next month I am starting a new diet program with my husband. We are going to give this a shot and I'll let everyone know how it goes. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but I am going to do my best. I need something radical at this point, and I don't care what anyone thinks. I am tired of people telling me what to do. I'm tired of caring. I'm just tired.

I spend too much time thinking that the world revolves around me and it doesn't, so I need to stop caring so much. Life goes on. 

Breakfast:
Blueberry bagel with butter

Lunch:
homemade chicken stir fry with white rice
8oz red bull

Dinner:
TBD

Do or do not. There is no try.

Someone needs to show me how to get up every morning, maybe hit the gym, have an awesome breakfast, enjoy the day, go to class, study (not take a nap), make dinner, and hit the sack by 9:30 ....and fall asleep before 1 am.

It is Tuesday and I am exhausted. It's Tuesday and I took a 2 hour nap on Monday. How do people do it? How does my mom do it. She works graveyard, comes home, sleeps like 3 hours, shuttles us around, makes dinner, and then goes back to work. I am trying to make time to study, hit the gym, eat healthy, and have a life and I am just exhausted. And if I just want to take 20 minutes to close my eyes, I am asleep for 2-4 hours.

Today there will be NO naps. Dinner is going to be on the table by 5:30. Homework is going to be done by 8 pm. And I am going to bed!!

Breakfast today:
Cheerios and splenda
Sugar free red bull with sugar free raspberry

Day 2....Not So good

So the last two days have not been as successful as I hoped they would be. Yesterday I wanted to go to the gym but I was falling asleep in class all day and ended up napping from 4 pm to nearly 9 pm (I'm a heavy napper).I also didn't eat as well as I wanted. This seems to be a continuing problem for me. I'll say I am going to eat healthy today, and I end up at the store buying a bag of candy. Not so healthy. This time I ordered a sausage breakfast sandwich from Starbucks for lunch. Oh well, I'll do better tomorrow.

Today was a little better. I was late for class so I didn't have a chance to eat a balanced breakfast.I ran errands after class and did homework so I wasn't able to hit the gym but I did eat slightly better today. So far I have eaten:

Breakfast:
2 granola bars....with a diet pepsi and a water to wake me up for that morning class
Lunch:
1 granola bar and 1 easy mac for lunch with a diet pepsi
Dinner:
2 homemade fajitas with pork, onion, and bell peppers, homemade guacamole, and sour cream.
Other:
2 cups of peppermint tea with 1 splenda pack each.

Wow, I really should go drink some more water tonight. I feel like I am full of excuses. I was busy. I was late. Blah Blah Blah. It really is easier just to lay down and take a nap. I need to push myself. I need others to push me. Part of me wants to get out there and go, and another part of me is scared or lost. I don't know if it is fear of failure, of what people will think, or something else....

Well that is it for tonight. Not very exciting, but alas, so is the everyday life.

Coming soon: Before pictures.

Why I'm Writing a Weight Loss Blog

Hello there! I'm Karilyn Bradwisch. I am a 20 year old college student, married with no children, and dream of being a teacher. I would like for people to describe me as caring, funny, and hardworking, but in today's society people are judged by their looks. Strangers who see me for the first time may call me overweight, big, or even fat. Starting today I want to take charge of my life. I have always been left behind and the only person I can blame for this is myself. Today is a new day, and I am going to seize this opportunity and run with it. Doing a quick search, I found that I am in the 79^th percentile for my weight for women my age and height. That means out of 100 women I am heavier than 79 of them. According to the WeightWatchers website my Body Mass Index(BMI) is 29. A BMI of 20-25 is healthy, a BMI of 26-29 is overweight, and a BMI of 30 or higher is obese. These are all numbers I want to change. I want to be happy in my own skin, I want to feel comfortable going to the mall with my friends, I want to be able to keep up with my friends, and I want to live a long and full life. I won’t get any of these things if I don’t make some changes in my life.

I have struggled with weight my whole life. In elementary and middle school I was overweight. I have never been mortally obese, but I have never been a healthy weight. I lost some weight in middle school when I joined a swim team, but when I didn't do well in my first race.....I sort of gave up(I'm quickly realizing this the story of my life). It was also getting more expensive to be on the team, but mostly I just quit because I wasn’t good at it. Something else I seem to do often. I also lost about 20 pounds in high school, but it was in an unhealthy way. I went through a break up and just didn't eat. I wasn't starving myself, I just wasn't hungry anymore. After I lost the 20 pounds, I slowly but steadily gained it back and more. I am now 180 pounds, a 45 pound increase from my smallest weight of 135 pounds. How did I get here? Again, I can only blame myself. I ate whatever I wanted and I was lazy. I stopped going to the gym, stopped being active, and I ate and ate and ate. I don't have an illness or an injury I can blame on all this. I need to start to take responsibility for these actions. I need to take responsibility for my life. I keep telling myself I want to lose weight, but it just hasn't happened. In college I started taking PE classes, but I didn't take advantage of them and I saw little to no weight loss. I tried to take the easy way out and bought some diet pills, Slimquick, designed for women. They made me jittery and unsettled so I stopped taking them after a day. I tried to be an ovatarian for awhile to eat more lean meats, but I quit that too. What can I say, I love the good steak just as much as the next person. But now I want to go about this the right way. I am going to start to eat a more healthy diet and I am going to start to be an active person.

In this blog I am going to journal my highs and lows, my gains and losses, and my activity and meals.

My Goals: Short and Long term

• To lose 45 pounds by February 2012. 
• To be a fit and healthy person.
• To live a healthy lifestyle (not to diet my whole life). 
• To run a mile without stopping to walk.
• To wear a size 5/7 again.
• To feel comfortable in my own skin.

How I will achieve these goals: 

• Swimming and cardio at the gym 3-5 days a week.
• Eating out at restaurants only 1 time a month.
• Cutting down on the amount of sweets.
• Learning to make healthy and delicious meals for my family.
• Learning portion control.

Writing this blog I am facing embarrassment and ridicule, but I think of the positives outweigh the negatives. If I write this blog I will be taking my life in my own hands instead of sitting on the side lines envious of others and their bodies. I will be healthy and more confident, emotionally and physically fit. I can do this and I will do this. Well here goes nothing! Seize the day!